; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
