Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
