I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
