i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
