my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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