I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
