I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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