Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
