It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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