ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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