Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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