Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
