Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
