my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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