Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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