Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
