I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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