remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
