dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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