just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
