dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
