I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
