did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
