I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
