At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
