I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
