I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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