I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
