i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
