my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
