i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
