I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
