She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
