I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
