So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
