I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
