I faked an abortion last night.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I love you.
Bad choice
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
