Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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