you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
