we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
