My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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