At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
