I just saw a hot homeless man
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
