His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
