So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
