I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
