What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
