I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
