What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
