So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
