So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
