He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
