i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
